Comment on As a divorced mom of 2, sharing custody during the holidays is brutal. Not competing with my ex helped me enjoy it more.

As a divorced mom of 2, sharing custody during the holidays is brutal. Not competing with my ex helped me enjoy it more.

The author (not pictured) learned to stop competing with her ex when it came to buying holiday gifts.svetikd/Getty ImagesThe hardest part of divorce was being without my kids, especially during the holidays.I felt overwhelmed with pressure to compensate by making them extra special.Relaxing on what I thought the holidays were supposed to look like has allowed us to start new traditions.I sobbed as I sat surrounded by the remnants of Christmas morning — half-eaten cinnamon rolls, discarded wrapping, and little piles of presents my 3 and 6-year-old daughters stacked up before they left to spend the rest of Christmas break with their dad.I was still getting used to sharing custody, and the hardest part was being without them, especially during the holidays.This was my new normalIt felt so wrong, but it was our new normal, thanks to a divorce and custody order specifying that we would only spend every other birthday and major holiday together.I was devastated, my mom guilt was in overdrive, and I felt overwhelmed with pressure to make the holidays better than ever, to compensate for my children's suffering, our lack of time together, and what I perceived as my failure to fix everything.I set unreasonably high standards for myself in the hopes of making every Christmas better than the one before — more gifts, extravagant decorations, and fun, memorable experiences.

 

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