Comment on ANGELA FARMER: Best way to connect with a child begins by listening

ANGELA FARMER In this complex and fast-paced time now known as the 21st century, children are often faced with a variety of authorities throughout their young lives. In addition to parents, these figures may be regular child care providers, occasional babysitters, teachers, teacher’s aides and any number of adults with whom the child may interact on a daily basis. While the vast majority of these interactions are positive and support the child’s academic as well as social-emotional development, they are not to be regarded without some degree of parental caution. For example, no matter the situation that occurs outside of the child’s home, it is paramount that parents assure their child that he always “tell” the parents what happened. In any instance where an adult, or someone in power, tells a child that an incident is a secret or is something that he shouldn’t tell his parents, the child should immediately understand that there is a problem. Further, a child need to be coached by his parents that anything that involves him, involves them. On the surface this information may seem obvious; however, children faced with a stressful, unusual or frightening experience often defer to the adult in charge as to how to best mitigate the situation. Fortunately, most adults in charge of children are both proactive and protective to ensure that the child’s safety is paramount. Unfortunately, “most” does not mean all. There are instances where adults acting in loco parentis make decisions which are outside of the child’s best interest. One of the best feedback mechanisms that parents can utilize to help ensure that their child’s care is within reasonable boundaries, is to maintain a daily, open and frank dialog with him. Children of all ages need to be assured that anything that makes them nervous – at home or away – is worthy of discussion. In order to have these regular conversations, however, parents have to take the first step. That step, while simplistic and free of charge, is often omitted, assuming that the child will speak up if there is a problem. Step one: ask and listen. The perfunctory response for many children when a parent casually asks as to the nature of his or her day is, “fine.” This response is often accepted by the parent and is followed by another, re-directed dialog about things to do or the next day’s activities.