Ask Amy: Wronged Wife Chooses To Stay — For Now

Dear Amy: I recently found out that my husband of 15 years has been cheating off and on for five years. He just ended a five-month relationship with a woman he met at a bar. I unearthed this situation when I discovered a text message from her. He wined and dined her, slept with her often — during his lunch break from work, used work excuses to spend the night in hotels with her, and even took her on vacation while he was at a bachelor party in Mexico. In total, he claims he has kissed two women, visited a prostitute, and had this most recent relationship. Since coming clean, he has quit drinking, has been attending AA meetings and has been seeing a psychologist. He promises he has changed and that he will devote the rest of his life to me and our kids, who are in middle school. He has been a decent dad up until this point and our kids adore him. I work in social work and see the effects of divorce on children. I am tempted to keep the status quo until our kids are older, but I also judge myself for staying with someone who has treated me this way. I know this sounds insane, but I believe him when he says he won’t cheat again and that he’s committed to change. Of course, I can’t imagine ever being intimate with him ever again (and he is asking to restart that aspect of our lives). Related Articles Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Broken romance also breaks friendship Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Blissful marriage’s bubble is about to burst Ask Amy | Ask Amy: A friend with many secrets demands silence Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Closet shopper’s regift reveals uncomfortable dynamic Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Loving wife lashes out when drunk — Unsure Dear Unsure: You don’t mention two things that I believe you need to do: Get tested for STDs, and engage in intensive marriage counseling with your husband and professional support for yourself. In terms of your harsh self-judgment in choosing to stay with this unfaithful and unreliable man, I will say this: in many ways, it is much easier to leave than to stay.