Ask Amy: Neighbors Might Wonder About Son’s Incarceration

Dear Amy: My son is in prison. In a few months his sentence for drug possession and a probation violation (for possession) will be completed. His charges are nonviolent offenses, and he has worked hard to get control over his addiction. My son and his fiancée have a 3-year-old child together. The fiancée and child live in our second home in another state — the same state where he is serving his sentence. We are at our second home four months out of the year. I need help with what to say to neighbors who are curious about why our son’s fiancée lives in our home with their child (for three years) and then — my son shows up. I’m sure they’ll ask since they seem very curious about her situation but have, so far, not asked any direct questions of her or us. Our neighbors are very conservative, older, and talk often about the perceived “crime” wave due to the homeless and addicted. Do you have any suggestions for the questions that (I feel) are bound to arise: such as, “Where has your son been all this time?” I love my son and he has paid dearly for his substance abuse (truly a disease). He’s served his sentence and deserves a chance. Related Articles Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Boundary-bouncer experiences backslide Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Doctor’s husband quarantines from friend Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Girlfriend weaponizes TikTok videos Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Fiancée wants to take the road less traveled Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Mom worries about European exclusion He will likely be living in our second home with his fiancée and child for some time due to financial constraints and I’d like to have an answer for those neighbors (mostly one in particular) who may ask. We are not close with any of our neighbors and some, like us, are only there a few months out of the year and likely won’t notice or care, but I’m not good at thinking “on my feet,” so I’d like to have an answer prepared for anyone who asks. Can you help? — Worried Mother Dear Worried: You should ask your son and his fiancée what they would prefer you to say, but I’m wondering if you would consider telling the truth: “My son has been incarcerated for nonviolent drug offenses related to his addiction.