Ask Amy: Anti-social Son-in-law Taxes Family’s Patience

Dear Amy: I have a thoughtful, successful 38-year-old stepdaughter. We have a good relationship and enjoy each other’s company. I live abroad, so I only see her and her family once or twice a year. The issue I am having is with her husband, my son-in-law. He is completely anti-social and barely acknowledges my presence. He has never initiated a conversation, and during family events he either absents himself or is present but playing video games on his phone. I have learned not to take this personally because he treats everyone, including his own family, the same way. Family members and friends have tried to understand his behavior: Is he “on the spectrum,” is it a cultural issue, (he is from a different country), or is he just rude? A few friends and family members have discussed this with my stepdaughter, and she says, “It is just the way he is.” I will be visiting them later this year and am already apprehensive. While I am visiting, I find his behavior so unpleasant that I find excuses to retire early. Is there another way for me to understand his behavior and make peace with it? — Curious Related Articles Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Gender transition highlights host’s rudeness Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Friend considers apologizing for past mistakes Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Friend ruminates on social snub Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Husband consigns himself to misery Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Parents worry their toddler is anti-social Dear Curious: I don’t think it is necessary for you (or me) to try to diagnose or assign a category to your son-in-law’s behavior in order to make peace with it.