Massage Parlor Tycoon-turned-crusading Politician Sentenced

Bud Light-hating singer Kid Rock, real name Robert Ritchie, discussed his upcoming performance at Donald's inauguration on Fox & Friends Weekend, which got weird when the subject of strippers came up. With a staff at his disposal, Donald decided to discuss his inaugural plans with Kid fucking Rock. Robert Richie explained on the Fox News show that Donald got word of a joke he’d made and wanted to know if he was serious. "Now we had, we had heard, we talked about this on Fox and Friends on Friday where I said, you know, it sounds like you had to run the plans by the Secret Service, and they said no fireworks and no girls on poles," Steve Doocy said.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) lashed out at CBS News host Margaret Brennan, accusing her of not "fairly" reporting about FBI director nominee Kash Patel's so-called enemies list. During a Sunday interview on Face the Nation, Brennan noted that former Attorney General Bill Barr said Patel had "virtually no experience that would qualify him to serve at the highest level of the world's preeminent law enforcement agency." "Was Attorney General Barr wrong then and wrong now?" Brennan wondered. "Yeah, he was wrong then," Graham ranted.

ABC News host Jonathan Karl challenged MAGA influencer Steve Bannon on President-elect Donald Trump's apparent focus on billionaires after promising to look after "the forgotten men and women." During an interview on ABC's This Week program, Karl noted that Trump had recently met with tech oligarchs like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. "So what do you make of the fact that sitting there with him, I guess now we're inside, but you're gonna see the three richest Americans ever?" Karl said of Trump's upcoming inauguration.

Brandon Williams is known to us at C&L as a lying hothead. That alone should disqualify him from the job of overseeing nukes. But the one-term former congressman also has virtually no qualifications for the job – except for the one President-Unelect Musk and fake-populist-puppet Donald Trump seem to care about most: Williams is a very wealthy tech bro.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., an anti-vaxxing nut bag adulterer who kept roadkill in his freezer, is Donald's choice to lead the nation’s health agencies. When thousands of Americans were dying, and others sheltered at home at the height of the pandemic in 2021, RFK Jr. filed a petition with the F.

House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA), a fiscal hawk, agreed to support President-elect Donald Trump's mass deportation plan "no matter what the cost." During a Sunday interview on Meet the Press, host Kristen Welker noted that mass deportations could cost the American taxpayer "trillions" of dollars. "He told me in a previous phone call, there is no price tag for his mass deportation plan," Welker said of Trump.