Borowitz Report: Mccain Urges Military Strikes Against Fifa

We've seen all sorts of crazy vehicles used by Russians in their war against Ukraine, from soldiers on dirt bikes to Chinese golf carts. Now a new weapon: the e-scooter. Source: Daily Wrap The war in Ukraine, ongoing for just under three years, is undoubtedly one of the most well-documented conflicts in history.

Sen. Marsha Blackburn wants us to believe grandpa has a "mandate" to annex Canada and Greenland, invade Mexico and steal the Panama Canal. Here's our number two candidate for the dumbest person in the Senate (I think Tuberville has her topped) sanewashing Trump's recent insanity threatening all of our allies, with Kellyanne ConJob who was filling in for Hannity on Fox this Monday: CONWAY: Senator Blackburn, I think many people have questions tonight about the Panama Canal, about Greenland, about President Trump issuing warnings about tariffs to comply or incentivize other countries' behaviors.

The beautiful state of Wyoming is unfortunately tainted by extremism, now more than ever. For the first time anywhere in the country, the hard-right Freedom Caucus has won control of a state house. Via the New York Times: After ousting a slew of Republican incumbents they viewed as too liberal in a caustic primary, and then galloping to victory in November, members of the ultraconservative caucus hope to cement their meteoric climb to power by passing five priority bills in the first 10 days. Their agenda, known as the Five and Dime Plan, aims to immediately tighten election rules, invalidate drivers’ licenses issued to undocumented immigrants by other states, prohibit college diversity initiatives, prohibit the state from considering environmental concerns when making investment decisions and reduce property taxes. “We’re going to unwoke the state,” Representative Jeremy Haroldson, the next speaker pro tem, said.

This clown actually received applause for this at the Turning Point USA conference in Phoenix, AZ last Saturday. BECK: But Jackson and Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson, who destroyed us. (Crowd boos.) Thank you. I love anyone who hates Wilson as much as me. They kept moving us, slowly but surely moving us towards total control, and by the time we got to Joe Biden, we were right here.

Whether it’s career swamp creatures sounding the alarm or leftist outlets hosting an academic’s weird new reverence for J. Edgar Hoover, they’re loaded for bear.

This emblem of American ingenuity and strategic prowess must be preserved for future generations.