Ask Amy: I’ve Accepted My Incurable Cancer Diagnosis, But I Don’t Want It To Define Me

Dear Amy: I’m a 57-year-old man. I was recently diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. I am obviously not overjoyed, but I am totally accepting of this news. Living with — not dying of — cancer means a few lifestyle changes and the need to be more aware of things. My cancer is not curable, but it is treatable; similar to many other illnesses. I have a large circle of family, friends, and acquaintances who have been supportive of me during my life. I have chosen to share my diagnosis with only a few of them. While I’m OK with my cancer, I know it isn’t going to be well received by most people, and so that’s why I’ve decided to keep it private. I hate seeing people I care about being in pain and/or distressed and knowing the knowledge of my illness will cause this in turn causes me much more pain and distress than the cancer ever will. These folks would definitely step up and help in whatever way they can. I know that after I pass and the news of the cancer becomes known, many of my friends will be blaming themselves for not noticing “the signs,” and will feel awful for that as well. I don’t want people to fawn over me and treat me differently, but I feel guilty about keeping this a secret. Related Articles Advice | Ask Amy: I got an invitation to a pre-wedding celebration from a mystery bride.